December 2000 Archives

I'm watching Sandra Bernhard play a crazed fan in the "King of Comedy" on Bravo. Remember the time I visited you in the Big Apple and she and I crossed paths? I was meeting a friend for lunch on a cold New York Winter day, waiting for a light to change as I was walking through Chelsea. She stood right next to me in some gigantic powder blue ski-coat with some guy pal of hers. He was super cute, super quiet, and rather strung out looking. Sandy, meanwhile, blathered up a non-stop bitch storm for the next three blocks as I walked alongside. "Could you believe that fucking little girl? I wanted to smack that smile off her precious little face. Is this your car lady? Of course it's my fucking car... Squawk squawk squawk."

I had a nice date with George tonight. He was half an hour late getting to the restaurant thanks to directions from Yahoo. Did I tell you about the time Yahoo told me it was going to take seven and a half hours to travel 540 miles to the Russian River? They wanted to send me via Sacramento. Needless to say I sympathized, but it was awkward trying to swing the date up from an "I've been stood up and left in the cold again" nosedive into general conversational meeting someone for the first time pleasantries. I told him about the psychic fair. He told me about his work as a consultant. I told him about my World AIDS Day run in with the cops. He told me about how nice it was growing up in Nova Scotia. I told him about my roadtrip this summer to AREA 51. He told me about volunteering for a local pet welfare organization. Nice, right? He was really nice. Afterwards I walked him to his nice car and he said, "So why don't we sit back on this for a few days and assess how things went tonight and then let each other know if we want to try this again."

I came home though to find an email from Will saying he had a blast last night, that I'm fucking hot, and that he can't wait to see me again. That's what we call a quicker picker upper.

Day one of the Psychic Fair was good. We were short readers so I was quite the busy little psychic. A guy who wanted to know about his upcoming trip to India to work with some healing guru. A woman who had seen a vision of her almost lesbian lover in the kitchen while making pancakes. Past life readings, career directions, relationship insights... it was quite the psychic day.

Sometimes I wonder why I can see things so clearly for people in a clairvoyant setting and yet I can't seem to get a grasp on what the hell my love life looks like.

I think a bad haircut can hurt your career. However, last night I was watching something awful on the Sci-Fi Channel (believe me, there was nothing else on) and Shari Belafonte had a very scary helmut haircut and she was basically the star of this thing. And she wonders why she's doing Sci-Fi Channel movies. Will and I had a nice time. In fact, he just left. He didn't like Shari Belafonte's hair either. We ordered pizza and watched TV and guess what - he spent the night, although we agreed to just sleep which was great because that was really about all I had energy for. It was really nice.

Today after the psychic fair I have a dinner date with George for the first time. He's actually my favorite bachelor on the phone. He leaves nice voice mail messages and his voice is very soothing, in an upbeat way.

I got home early tonight after the police broke up our little World AIDS Day fiasco. The officer said we were delaying traffic, but I kept correcting him on every count. "I'm sorry sir, but Friday rush hour traffic is always like this. Don't you live here?" You know he doesn't. You know he has some swank home with a silly little dog and a fat wife in some burb someplace. It was kind of fun going head to head, but I eventually went along with the man and skadoodled with the rest of Santa's little helpers.

Dating is actually work. Meeting people you don't know regularly for dinner and coffee can take a lot out of you. I think I need to meditate before my rendezvous with Will. At least I've already met him - he's a likeable man, plus it's nice that his former hippie/now way corporate crunching family knows he's, well, y'know, "that way." I don't really feel like going anywhere, but maybe he can come over here and we can order a pizza, rent a movie. Oh yeah, I need to meditate.

And just for the record Mister - we're not old. It's just such an N'Sync Backstreet youth driven pop-eyed fag culture. We're perfection. I better clean my room in case just on the off chance I somehow wind up having an overnight guest. These things happen. Oh yeah, and I still need to meditate.

I'm at work and I should be eating lunch, but instead I'm having sour apple taffy. There is this World AIDS Day event after work that I'm concerned about. We are hanging banners over the freeway with World AIDS facts on them to educate the Friday night oh-so-not-much-of-a-rush hour traffic jammers. While initially the idea and banner painting excited me, bringing back the luscious activist days of the early 90's, after meeting with the instigators I became concerned that none of them have any problem with us all being arrested and I really don't want to miss my date with Will. What happened to my priorities? What happened to those days when we used to take on the establishment just for sport?

My date, Will, lives in Walnut Creek, not far from our mutual gal pal I imagine, and he is another of my personal ad bachelors. We met for the first time last week, had dinner, wandered the streets together smoking romantically, then scoured through a grocery store doing our last minute Thanksgiving shopping together. We spoke of the complexities of bringing the right "green bean side dish," finishing our evening together making out in the back seat of his Citroen in a BART station parking lot. He was raised by Bay Area hippies who have since sold out in a bigger way than I ever will - we're talking big environmental destruction Fortune 500 companies sold out. I'm still at my little non profit and I'd just like to be a little more comfortable. Maybe I'll marry into money and I can be that "do gooder" wife.

Hippie Chick just showed me a note she received in her inbox. It says "Kill The Rat". Someone is out to torment her and threaten little Hiawatha's life. She wanted me to report it as a hate crime, but I told her that it's not against the law to hate animals. I think we both better go eat some lunch and develop a defense plan.

I want to be eating waffles on the East Coast with you. I just got in. I was out honking at cars with Bush/Cheney bumperstickers, smoking many cigarettes and listening to the new Arthur H cd - "Pour Madame X." It's a nice soundtrack for returning home after being stood up. It wasn't anything serious, just one of the many bachelors who answered my personal ad, but there I was tonight, sitting outside alone at Cafe Flore, waiting in the cold night air so I could smoke, sipping my peppermint tea, thinking how grateful I am that I purchased that new Salon Selectives highlighting foam at Walgreen's in the Castro so the trip wasn't a total waste.

I imagine that Dirk, the bachelor in question, got tied up at work, or something equally mundane and couldn't make it, but when it's the first date you're going to have with someone you don't even know and they don't show, for whatever the reason, it's probably the last date you're going to have with them as well.

I worked the front desk tonight at the psychic school where I'm a student. Some obviously mental and most likely homeless guy wandered in off the street yelling for help. He said that he was being psychically poisoned, but no one could help him because the poison was the only thing keeping him alive. I smiled, nodded, and turned him over to someone with more experience and authority. He looked like he could use a little help, but then again can't we all?

Choire, it's interesting that you're at this point where you're possibly on the brink of ending a relationship of several years, and I'm possibly on the brink of starting my first serious relationship in quite some time, isn't it? Trouble is I just don't know who it will be with! Someone I've met? Someone who hasn't even answered my ad yet? Meanwhile I'm still seeing that closet case, as I have been off and on for several months now, and if only he was able to come to terms with his pole smoking sexuality and let the cat out of the bag he'd be great. I wonder how Thanksgiving was with his family. Did he think of me? When his mother asked about his love life did the thought even cross his mind about telling her he's been shagging some hot hung dude for the past six months? I doubt it. He is really a great guy, but I don't think I can have a serious relationship with someone where nobody else in his life knows he is in one. Do you?

I'm going to have another cigarette outside in California's smoking section. Maybe I'll finally watch that "Ally McBeal" and head for bed. I wonder what they are going to do now that Robert Downey Jr. has been arrested for violating his parole. Ally and his character were such a cute couple. Really, it's gotten much better again this season.